Williamsburg is Dead

Kellogg's Diner Maintains Reputation as "Worst Diner in the History of Mankind"

So, remember when everyone was all like "Kellogg's is getting a fancy new chef and menu!" Well, that chef has walked away because the long-standing owners want it just the way it was: god-awful. Plus, The Dirty Burgher just ate there last night and said they had the same craptastic food as always. So yeah, Kellogg's is back to the way it was, and we can go on avoiding it in favor of late-night sandwiches from Hana Food. [Grub Street]

FOR THE LOVE OF GOD STOP SAYING THE WORD HIPSTER

Twee Tuesday!

Time to dust off your corduroy blazer, get the walking stick out of your quaint country attic and traipse across the meadow to your favourite record shop. A new (kind of) collection of Belle and Sebastian songs is for sale today! It's called The BBC Sessions, and it basically consists of BBC recordings from 1996-2001. Plus if you get the bonus double CD you'll get an entire Christmas concert from Belfast from 2001. Oh happy days!

Give the Finger to the Finger

Stand up, young Williamsburgites! NAG just sent out this call to arms:

Neighbors Allied for Good Growth (NAG), the People's Firehouse, and several community residents are appealing the Dept of Building's (DoB) decision regarding the validity of the permit for the "Finger Building” (located at 144 North 8th St between N 7th and N 8th and Bedford and Berry).

Although the building is 10 stories tall right now, the DoB has NOT revoked the permit that allows the developer to more than double the current height!!

The Brooklyn DoB Commissioner wrote that the permit is valid because the architect, Robert Scarano, and the developer, Mendel Brach, "BELIEVED" they could use the neighboring roofs for the required "open space". Yet every related legal document (easements, etc.) expressly disallows the use of those rooftops.

The bottom line is that the DOB should insure that the building complies with zoning laws rather than the beliefs of self-interested developers.

The public hearing will be held at: Board of Standards and Appeals (BSA), Tuesday, November 18th 10am, 40 Rector St., 6th Floor: Hearing Room E (Take the #1/ W/R train to Rector St. or the 4/5 trains to Wall St in Manhattan)

Celeb Spotting: Bret McKenzie from FOTC

OMG, so I was walking down Union, singing the "Mermaids" song from Flight of the Conchords in my head, when who do I see but Bret McKenzie walking into Dumont with two similarly shaggy, black-haired dudes. It was 3pm, so I assume it was a late brunch, or perhaps it was a "second breakfast" as the hobbits, also natives of New Zealand, are so fond of.

Seriously though, I had to fight off my Mel-like instinct to follow him into the restaurant and ask him to be my best friend. That reminds me, I saw the guy who plays Doug a couple of weeks ago in a bar near Times Square. Come be my best friends, entire cast of Flight of the Conchords!

CB1 Bike Lane Meeting Report

Whilst I was getting drunk at a poetry reading, the much more responsible Brooklyn 11211 was actually at Wednesday's meeting concerning bike lanes on Kent Avenue. The blog takes a much more reasoned, thought-out approach to the issue than my infantile rant from a couple of days ago. Do yourself a favor and read up on it. [Brooklyn 11211]

NY Times Gallery Guide Says "Forget You, Williamsburg!"

Sarah Palin's favorite newspaper ends its story on the NYC gallery scene like this:

Some tips for those new to the scene: Comfortable shoes are in order. So are open minds. (Black turtlenecks are optional.)

Ha, black turtlenecks! Artsy types are always wearing those, especially in stereotypes from the 1950s. Way to show your age New York Times! Sorry if I sound a bit bitter, but the Grey Lady decided Chelsea, Soho, the LES and the Upper East Side are the hottest gallery scenes in the city. I guess if you only care about names like Deitch and Gagosian then this is the guide for you, but we all know some of the most exciting art is being made and shown right here in the 'Burg.

So go ahead Upper East Side, you can have your black turtlenecked art enthusiasts and collectors with royal titles preceding their names. We know where the real action is.

[On, and Off, the Wall] NY Times

Weekend Funsplosion

Friiiiiiiiidaaaaayyy, youuu've walkeeed into my liiiifeee and now I'm haaapppyyyy ... ba dum ba dippity dooooooO! Jazz hands!

Friday
'Tis Every 2nd tonight in Williamsburg, meaning there are gallery openings and good times all round. The afterparty is at Sugarland (221 N 9th St, 10pm, $5 at the door), where on Wednesday you can get a free drink if you take off your pants, or at least that's what the almost-naked bartender told me. The point is that once I got a free drink for taking off my pants.

Some highlights for tonight's gallery openings: Liz Brown: OMGWTF (above) at Like the Spice,  Eric Joyner: My Other Robot is a Donut at McCaig-Welles, and George Ferrandi and John Orth: Unsung at Cinders Gallery.

Don't miss the release party for Eisner Award-winning Brazilian artist Rafael Grampa's "Mesmo Delivery," a gritty new, beautifully detailed graphic novel, at Desert Island Comics tonight from 7pm-9pm.

For all you Billyburg fashionistas out there, check out Fashion Wars at 3rd Ward, where you will literally be judged on your outfit at the end of the night. DJs, bands and booze and more will also be present.

Saturday
The Royal Bangs play catchy-ass pop-indie-rock with bleeps and sweet guitar riffs at Death by Audio (8pm at 49 S 2nd St) while Project Jenny Project Jan play at a show at Asterisk (258 Johnson Ave) titled the "Last Ever Asterisk Show," which is sad because I love Asterisk and don't want it to die. 

Sunday
At Barcade, overgrown hipster man-children will face off for the fabled bronzed Power Glove at the LoveSac NES CLassic by showing off their Super Mario Bros. 3, Street Fighter and ExciteBike Skills. Maybe if you are the best you can win the affection of Jenny Lewis!

NOOOO! Mighty Diamond is Done For!

Word on the street is that Mighty Diamond is now closed! Oh how I loved their jerk tofu, chickpeas and garlic collard greens, all for only $7. And they delivered for free. I don't usually eat vegan food, but I ate at Mighty Diamond all the time and now it's gone and not even Jesus or Barack Obama can bring it back. I'm almost as sad as when Pies-n-Thighs closed.

Williamsburg Officially Shorthand For "Hipster"

Driving down to Durham, North Carolina anytime soon? Stop by the Pinhook, which, according Duke's student newspaper The Chronicle, offers a "taste of Williamsburg."

A choice quote: "As the Travesties frontman, known simply as "Viva," scaled a table during the band's set, I was confident the Pinhook would be well-known for its live music. Welcome to the Williamsburg of the South."

I always thought that Williamsburg, Virginia was the Williamsburg of the South, but no. Anyway, the point is that now you can describe every hipster neighborhood or hipster attribute with a single word: Williamsburg.

That beard is totally Williamsburg. How does your smoothie taste? Hmm, I'd say it tastes pretty Williamsburg. If you're not careful I'm going to go Williamsburg on your ass! Man, this post was pointless.

Bike Lane Showdown Expected at CB1 Meeting TONIGHT

Motorists are angry that the completion of the partially constructed Kent Avenue bike lane will result in the removal of street parking. To those concerned motorists I say: Waaaaaaaaaaaaaaaah! Cry me a river.

Concerned citizens wrote a letter complaining about their inability to park on Kent, mostly by invoking the needs of special needs children. I think most of that is BS. I think most of these people just want a place to park their cars for free at the expense of the rest of Williamsburg's residents.

Lots and lots of people are using the bike lanes, which means they aren't driving, which means they are reducing car traffic and pollution. Maybe there is an occasional problem with the UPS man, but seriously, is that so big of a problem? Trucks and all kinds of vehicles just park in the bike lanes anyway, so I'm sure your neighborhood car service will be able to stop for a few minutes to pick your lazy ass up.

Bike lanes are needed on Kent because it is a thoroughfare of racing semi-trucks who never seem to slow down. I have personally met bicyclists who have been hit on Kent.

So yes, there is a special needs school on Kent and South 9th Street, and I'm sure exceptions or adjustments can be made to make sure those kids can be picked up safely. But to terminate the progress of the bike lane is overkill propagated by selfish motorists. Bicyclists, please don't let them do this. Show up and speak your mind.

BICYCLISTS, SHOW UP TONIGHT! CB1 Transportation Committee Meeting, 11 Ainslie Street, corner of Manhattan Avenue, 6:30pm (Registration for public speaking ends at 6:15pm)

Poetry + Rock Music = Totally Awesome Good Times

Time for the Mixer Reading Series: Poetry Edition. Tonight poets Martha Collins (Sheer), Nathaniel Bellows (Why Speak?) and Susan DeFord (The Comstock Review, Poetry Motel, Survivor Magazine) all read, while Chris Moore plays sweet folky sounds to soothe your restless soul. I'll be there, drunk inappropriately early as usual.

Free. From 7pm-9pm at Cakeshop (152 Ludlow Street) in the Lower East Side.

McCain Won Greenpoint Catholic Children's Vote

Cheer up, McCain! Sure, you lost to Our Savior Barack Obama, but if you ever run for President of St. Stanislaus Kostka School in Greenpoint, you're almost guaranteed victory. The Driggs Avenue school voted for McCain over Obama 146 to 129, with three third party votes (which we assume were for Hannah Montana). Word has it Karl Rove is currently creating ads about Obama's anti-recess, pro-vegetable agenda for 2012. [Brooklyn Paper]

Ramen Cook-Off At Union Pool

Hey everybody, just wanted to let you know that I covered the latest cook-off in a seemingly endless string of amateur cook-offs. This time it was ramen, as in Top Ramen, the sodium-filled staple of my youth. Check out my coverage over at The Feedbag.

Weeeeeeee(!)kend Guide

Wooo, Obama aka New Jesus aka Ol' Hopey Bastard is now our president! It is officially time to celebrate.

Friday

Bye Bye CBGB hits Artbreak, which is slowly becoming my favorite Billyburg gallery after English Kills. Photographer Bruno Hadjadj pays tribute to the 70s punk scene he lived and loved with this tribute featuring anonymous individuals posing in the infamous, now sadly defunct rock club. Opening reception (with live music) from 5pm-9pm.

Our friend Rebecca (Mixer Reading Series) plays with her band The New York Times on Friday, along with Holly Golightly at the Mercury Lounge.

Over at Glasslands, Thurston Moore joins harpist Zeena Parkins while violinist C. Spencer Yeh joins experimental trumpet player Greg Kelley for a night of experimental music celebrating the release of Carlos Giffoni's new album.

Saturday

In Williamsburg is Dead's SOLID GOLD PICK OF THE WEEK, it's the Soul Clap Dance-Off and Dance Party at Glasslands. Dance contest! People dancing to soul, R&B and funk! DJ, pie enthusiast and overall superstar Jonathan Toubin spinning all night long! I seriously love nothing more than dancing to old-school soul, so consider me there. Solid. Gold.

Sunday

I once told a white person we were going to a ramen place and she was all like "You mean like Top Ramen?" and then my head exploded and my soul traveled back to Asia and had to wander thousands of miles to eventually rejoin my lifeless body. The point is, please don't insult my ancestors with your skeptical ramen attitude. On that note, Union Pool is hosting a Ramen Cook-Off, to be judged by cook-off expert and femme fatale o' the kitchen Cathy Erway. (All rules are explained here.) Party begins at 7pm.

Beta Spaces takes over Bushwick for a day of down-and-dirty arty goodness. In a space spanning 10 blocks, artists will use studios, living rooms, sidewalks and whatever else they can think of to display all kinds of cool work.

For the chill chaser to your wild weekend, take in a free show at Sound Fix Records at 7pm from longtime Wburg scenesters Longwave, who play shoegazy rock so shoegazy you will gaze at your shoes and feel sad and happy at the same time and possibly get dizzy and pass out. Also open bar, so yeah, awesome.