Williamsburg is Dead

Williamsburgers Ride the Hot Kielbasa

Anyone who tried to order a "hot kielbasa" at the Sikorski Meat Market in Greenpoint recently most likely got a big surprise; no, it's not a euphemism for something akin to a "hot carl" or "Cleveland steamer." It was the codeword for cocaine, which the butcher shop owner distributed out of his basement to different points throughout Greenpoint and Williamsburg. All I know is that I wouldn't have followed the butcher after this exchange:

The suspects arrested include the butcher, after an FBI informant visited the shop in response to the message: “Come to the store, I have hot kielbasa for you.”

"Come to the store, I have hot kielbasa for you?" Isn't there a less suggestive way to sell someone cocaine? Anyway, on a separate note, I wholly recommend the pierogies from the Sikorski Meat Market. You won't be able to stop eating them because you literally won't be able to stop eating them.

[26 Arrested in Kielbasa Drug Ring]

Fake Parking Tickets in Williamsburg, Real Evidence of Cops' Sense of Humor

According to the New York Post, cops are doling out public service announcements disguised as parking tickets in Williamsburg. I suppose this is how the scenario plays out:

Walking towards your car from a ways down the street, you think you catch an orange-ish hue as you glance towards your destination. That 'aw, man'-inducing, helpless disappointment churns in your gut. You get to the car, angrily snatch the ticket out from under the wiper blade, and just as you're about to toss it into the glove compartment along with 3 or 4 of its brethren, you notice the type is a little funny. You look closer. Instead of the standard print detailing your violation, it reads: "A warning from the 90th Precinct. We are advising that personal property such as handbags, wallets, iPods, not be left in open areas (where they can be seen) inside your vehicle."

Gotcha! Then, the cops, who've been hiding in the shrubbery across the street the whole time, can't stifle their laughter anymore and burst out in guffaws, pointing at you and giving each other high-fives.

From the Post:   Said one cop, "People are actually relieved when they open it and see it's not a ticket." How confounding. People relieved when the discover they don't have to pay an exorbitant fine? What saps.

O, those merry mischief-making policeman of the 90th Precinct. What sort of clever prank will they use to entertain 'n educate us next? Pretend speeding tickets where they pull us over and remind us not to pick up hitchhikers? "Just Kidding" overnight detentions in jail to teach us about vandalism? I can't wait!

Get Rich Quick By Selling Your Gun!

Times are tough, but there is an easy way for Williamsburg residents to make some quick cash. Just sell that .38 that's sitting in your closet! This Saturday, Oct. 11, from 11am-5pm, the NYPD and Brooklyn District Attorney's Office will buy your gun for $200, no questions asked. This is actually a great program that has taken 1,108 guns off Brooklyn's streets this year. Here is a list of participating churches:

1. Saint Peter and Paul, 71 South 3rd Street
2. Saint Barbara, 138 Bleecker Street, Brooklyn
3. All Saints, 115 Throop Avenue, Brooklyn
4. Our Lady of the Rosary of Pompei, 225 Seigel Street, Brooklyn

Williamsburg Safety Primer

Now, I never believe that a crime is the victim's fault. We shouldn't have any sympathy for criminals and the fear they inject into our streets. But there are some lapses in judgment I've noticed while reading Ben Muessig's Police Blotter over at The Brooklyn Paper.

Number one is don't listen to your iPod late at night. You might think that there's nothing special about an iPod in tech-savvy Williamsburg, but you're basically flashing around a $300 device. I see this all the time when walking home late at night. Strolling down Bushwick Ave at 3am while jamming out to Girl Talk on your iPod isn't the greatest idea.

Next tip: Don't carry around loads of cash. For example:

A man and a woman robbed a 35-year-old of his cellphone and cash on Oct. 4.

The crooks pressed a knife to the victim at the corner of Ainslie and Keap streets at around 1:35 am, until he forked over his phone and $600.

Who carries $600 in cash at 1:35am? Every time someone gets robbed while carrying $600, a giant dollar sign goes up over everybody else's head and there's even more incentive for criminals to start robbing people in the neighborhood.

Seriously though, there has been an uptick in crime recently. Be careful out there, Williamsburg.

Williamsburg Town Hall Meeting

The presidential campaign is very important, but most people tend to forget that the policies that really affect them are set at the local level. This Thursday, October 2nd, NAG (Neighbors Allied for Good Growth) is having a town hall meeting to discuss everything from crowded trains to affordable housing. I'll be there putting my two cents in and you should too. Together, we can finally get that monorail that Williamsburg so truly deserves.

The meeting will take place at Holy Ghost Hall, 159 N 5th St (between Bedford and Driggs) Thursday, October 2 at 7pm.

Thieves Steal Entire ATM

NYPD is on the lookout for this man (left) for allegedly stealing an ATM and starring in "Malibu's Most Wanted."

Remember that story line in "Barbershop" where the two dudes try to steal an entire ATM? Well apparently so did two Williamsburg thieves who stole an ATM containing $960 from outside a pizza place on Roebling Street. I hope they have a key to that thing, or at least that zany, hilarious situations will arise from their inability to open it.

Also, either burglars love Macs, or the probability that any random apartment in Williamsburg contains a Mac is so high that thieves can't help but steal them. The point is that there were three different Mac-related crimes this week. My favorite is when thieves entered an apartment on S 2nd and Keap through the window and "snatched two MacBook Pro laptops, a wireless mouse, two digital cameras, a camera case, a Nintendo Wii and a Tiffany necklace." Two MacBook pros, two digital cameras, a Wii and a Tiffany necklace? Shit, I should quit my day job and just start robbing Williamsburg residents blind.

Oh Brooklyn Paper's Police Blotter, you are an endless source of entertainment.

Take a Bite Out of Crime, Williamsburg

I had an inkling that the sensational nature of recent crimes (random stabbings, bus stop shootings!) had exaggerated the idea that crime was on the rise in Williamsburg, but sadly that's not the case. The rise in crime is very real. This year there has been a spike in crime complaints across several categories: A 12.5% spike in robberies, 3 murders compared to just 1 murder last year, a 14.6% increase in burglaries. This is for the 90th Precinct, which includes major stretches of Graham Avenue, Grand Street, Lee Avenue, Havemeyer Street and Broadway.

The 94th Precinct, which includes Bedford Avenue and major parts of Greenpoint like the main stretches of Nassau Avenue and Manhattan Avenue, is significantly safer, with just 90 robberies this year compared to 304 in the 90th Precinct, although I don't know the populations of each precinct meaning I can't calculate for crimes per capita.

I'm not quite sure why crime is on the rise, but I do know that there are things we can do about it. First off, report a crime no matter what. Even if you are pretty sure the NYPD won't be able to find your stolen laptop, the fact that there is an official record of the crime will help them allocate resources to our neighborhood in the future. I've dealt with them after a burglary and they are very courteous and surprisingly thorough.

Step two: Get involved. From the NYPD's website:

"Originally established in the 1940's, Precinct Community Councils are forums that provide on-going, direct communication between the police and community. Community members meet regularly with the precinct Commanding Officer and Community Affairs Officers to discuss and find solutions to public-safety problems in their neighborhood.

The 90th Precinct Community Council meets on the second Wednesday at 7:30 of each month at 30 Montrose Avenue.
For more information please contact the 90th Precinct Community Affairs Officer, Detective Vidal & P.O. Juan Roman at (718) 963-5309.

94th District: These meetings are held at 7:30 PM on the third Monday of the month, at 807 Manhattan Avenue.  North Fork Bank, NOT Greenpoint Bank enterance on Calyer St."

 
What really pisses me off is when hipsters treat this neighborhood like an extended college trip, a quick boozy detour before they say "Peace" and head off to the suburbs. Nobody says you have to live here forever, but when you do live here you should act like you care about the long-term health of the neighborhood. Williamsburg will get safer if you care and don't treat it like a four-year liberal arts college.

Crime statistics: 90th Precinct, 94th Precinct

Williamsburg Open Window Crime Spree

Heads up, Northside Williamsburgers. There's a spree of unsolved home robberies taking place across the neighborhood. The creepy thieves are climbing through unlocked or open windows, and taking anything they can get their hands on--even your underwear. A couple heists have taken place during broad daylight, too--so if you see someone wriggling into or out of a pried open window with a Macbook or a Wii in hand, alert the authorities.

And lock those windows.

[The Brooklyn Paper]

Breaking News: Williamsburg is Now Safe!

Moneyries just informed me of this drastic new security measure. Don't worry Williamsburgers scared of being stabbed! Some dude in a crane might see you and ostensibly call his associates who aren't stuck up in a crane.

Sky Watch in Williamsburg [Moneyries]

Diminutive Murder Suspect on the Loose

The hunt is on for murder suspect Michael Torres, 19, who allegedly shot and killed another man at a Williamsburg bus stop. According to NY1, the 5' 3" Torres' last known address was on Bushwick Avenue. [NY1]