Williamsburg is Dead

FOR THE LOVE OF GOD STOP SAYING THE WORD HIPSTER

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I just got this in our comments section. Who wants to skip class and smoke some pot?! Err, all my favorite bands from college are still cool right?

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New York Examiner Directs Readers to Long-Closed Capone's for Free Pizza

In a New York Examiner article published two days ago, I read the following:

"The Alligator Lounge (Williamsburg, more info), Capones (Brooklyn, more info) and the Crocodile Lounge (Manhattan, more info) both offer free pizza with each beer you order."

Aside from being grammatically incorrect, there's something else glaringly wrong with that little sentence. As any Williamsburger knows, Capone's has been closed for quite some time now--and if they'd even bothered to look at the link included in the article, which leads to a NY Mag listing with the words venue closed blatantly prefacing the blurb, the Examiner would have found this out. Woops.

Fake Parking Tickets in Williamsburg, Real Evidence of Cops' Sense of Humor

According to the New York Post, cops are doling out public service announcements disguised as parking tickets in Williamsburg. I suppose this is how the scenario plays out:

Walking towards your car from a ways down the street, you think you catch an orange-ish hue as you glance towards your destination. That 'aw, man'-inducing, helpless disappointment churns in your gut. You get to the car, angrily snatch the ticket out from under the wiper blade, and just as you're about to toss it into the glove compartment along with 3 or 4 of its brethren, you notice the type is a little funny. You look closer. Instead of the standard print detailing your violation, it reads: "A warning from the 90th Precinct. We are advising that personal property such as handbags, wallets, iPods, not be left in open areas (where they can be seen) inside your vehicle."

Gotcha! Then, the cops, who've been hiding in the shrubbery across the street the whole time, can't stifle their laughter anymore and burst out in guffaws, pointing at you and giving each other high-fives.

From the Post:   Said one cop, "People are actually relieved when they open it and see it's not a ticket." How confounding. People relieved when the discover they don't have to pay an exorbitant fine? What saps.

O, those merry mischief-making policeman of the 90th Precinct. What sort of clever prank will they use to entertain 'n educate us next? Pretend speeding tickets where they pull us over and remind us not to pick up hitchhikers? "Just Kidding" overnight detentions in jail to teach us about vandalism? I can't wait!

A Little Something for the Ladies - Brooklyn Barter and Buy

"A Free Street Culture Shopping Event for the Ladies" is the slogan heralding the Brooklyn Barter & Buy taking place at Supreme Trading Co. this Saturday (Oct. 11, 2-8 pm). It's a discount shop 'n booze-a-thon sponsored by Yours Truly. No, not me, silly. The clothing brand. (Wonder how many times some variation of that cringe-inducer will pop up in fashion prose in blogs to come)

Anyhow, as the New York Examiner deftly points out, it's looking to be high time to pinch them pennies and barter for stylish duds. (Doesn't the mere mention of the word 'barter' conjure depression era imagery? Hollowed-out barrel suspenders, anyone?)

So ladies, barter your hearts out, lest you find yourself suddenly broke from an ill-timed purchase of Gucci wares and find yourself evicted and forced west in search of farmhand work with a stalwart band of Oakies whilst the government stomps out unions and forces Tom Joad into hiding. Too many Grapes of Wrath references? Sorry.

And as the flier tersely points out, "Gentlemen Welcome."

Barack Rock Benefit - Indie Rock We Can Believe In

The Barack Rock Benefit is tonight at 7:30 the Music Hall of Williamsburg. 40$

Nobody to watch the debates with? Then perhaps you'll accept the company of Andrew Bird, the Fiery Furnaces and Eugene Mirman whilst you watch Obama town hall it up with cranky old man Mc(insert terse snide remarkery here).

Yes We Can Ironically Donate Money to a Presidential Campaign. So As Long As There Are Indie Bands
Yes, 40 dollars may seem steep, but bear in mind that all of the proceeds go directly to the Obama campaign. And sure, the polls look good now, and that rusty Republican machine is finally starting to creak and groan, but we're not home free yet.

Just think of Barack Rock like a donation that comes with the added of bonus of some virtuoso whistling, prog pop, and Flight of the Conchords-y comedy. Check it out tonight at the Music Hall of Williamsburg. Doors open at 6:30.

Edge Banner Mocks Palin, Alienates Prospective Buyers

The gigantic skyline-blocking, allegedly culture-ruining, soon-to-be hip I-banker haven otherwise known as the The Edge has just gone a long ways towards redeeming itself. They've also likely pissed off 50 percent of their prospective buyers, who've no doubt got their fingers crossed for some permanent Bush tax cuts. But, credit must be given to the Edge, even if it's just a ploy to demonstrate their hipness--

Come on, admit it. It's funny.

If only there was a building half that tall in Alaska, she might have gone to the roof and actually seen the outline of a real Russian town--who knows what she'd claim about her foreign policy prowess then?

[Banner reads: Sarah Palin Live Here, See Wall Street]

Michael Cera Attacked While Filming in Williamsburg?

Not even celebrities are safe on the mean streets of New York. While filming "Nick and Norah's Infinite Playlist" in Williamsburg and the LES, the stars evidently became the target of malicious attacks. Or at least the target of moldy avocados. That's right, in a startling interview, the Superbad star Michael Cera revealed how tough things really are in seedy, anything-goes Williamsburg.

"Sometimes on Fridays or Saturdays if we were shooting at 2am and bars were letting out we'd get the spillover of drunk people . . . And drunks can be pretty obnoxious sometimes and were screaming and running through the shots. We even had things thrown at us. An avocado was thrown at us by a homeless guy."

Wow. I'm glad he's alright. Maybe Judd Apatow was on hand to deflect the errant avocado with the lid of a trash can.

And there is: the latest dubiously newsworthy bit of entirely unnecessary celebrity gossip to hit the Burg. Hope you enjoyed it as much as I did.

 

Crest Cafe Closes - Farewell, Fine Cafe

An unfortunate victim of the ever-accelerating recession, the wonderful Crest Cafe closed its doors last Friday. Many of these very blog posts were written within its walls, or out back in the comfy, always relaxing patio area. Crest was run by maybe the friendliest, most honest and enthusiastic proprietor I've met in Williamsburg, which makes its closing all the more depressing--he took a sizable hit in his investments, he told me, with the fall of AIG, Lehman, and Merrill Lynch.

So I lament the closing for both selfish reasons (where am I to go now? Uber-trendy El Beit? Corporate Office of Williamsburg, Atlas Cafe?) and for the sake of the owner, who will no doubt do well for himself in future ventures (All the best, Juan!). Crest was an unpretentious, welcoming place where everyone felt at home, and where I looked forward to setting up for a long afternoon/evening of work, or idly carousing with friends time and time again.

Here's a fond farewell to my favorite coffee shop in Williamsburg--to the Crest Cafe!

Brick Theater Has First Mainstage Season, Gets Some Broadway Love

If you've never seen a show at the Brick Theater, you're missing out on perhaps the most innovative, high quality plays put on in Williamsburg--Nay, all of New York. Now in the last week of their odd 'n acclaimed Clown Festival (shows end Sept. 28) the Brick Theater has announced their first ever Mainstage season--five different, intriguing shows, each of which will have month long runs. It's enough to get the Broadway World all excited--and us too.

You can get discounted season passes, as well as tickets to acting workshops, and the Brick Theater's website.

And if there's one show the Brick puts on that you must see, it's the impossibly enjoyable Suspicious Package interactive noir--it's in its fourth month on an extended run, and it plays every weekend. It's off the wall, all gloriously crime novel-y, and you, more or less, are the star of the show. Long live the Brick!